idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
