Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
