So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
