in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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