i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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