i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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