i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
