**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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