He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
