is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
