if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize