moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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