I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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