I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
