My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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