My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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