i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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