you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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