I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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