I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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