hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
