Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
