Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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