Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
