we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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