So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
