Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
