my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
