Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
