how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
