You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
