Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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