I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
