I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
