There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
