I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
