I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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