Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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