its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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