Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Alive.
So much puke
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
