C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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