I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
