Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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