Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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