Small penises have feelings too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
