Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
