Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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