He disabled his match.com account in front of me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
