69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
