I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
