I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
