Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to make a zoo with you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
birth control should be required to get into college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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