Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
