If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
