Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
