just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
