so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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