can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
