yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my shit smells like andre
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
