shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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