She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
