My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
