saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
