you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
