You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
