My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
