Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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