? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
