This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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