Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
