This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
