When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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