i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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