my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
