I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
