Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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