fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
