My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
