States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
