Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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