I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think a kid would responsible me up
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
