24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
