I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
