My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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