i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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