I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
