i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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