She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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