I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
