Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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